It’s been a few weeks since I posted. I’ve had a challenging time. I must admit I’ve been feeling quite low since coming off my anti-depressants. My businesses are not going as well as I would like. My finances are shocking. I’ve had to take a job in a call centre on minimum wage. I have felt like a failure. I have felt as though the hope has run out. As if the light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished.
I keep catching myself telling this story to myself and others and to a certain extent I know I’m wallowing in self-pity. After one particular evening where I’d been telling my ‘woe is me’ story to anyone who would listen, I realised that I need to change my story or as Abraham Hicks would say ‘Get off the subject’. I wrote about this back in 2013 in my post How to Get What You Want – Change the Subject and five years later in 2018, it seems I am still learning the same lesson.
As I have mentioned in lots of posts, especially How to Get What You Want – Focus on What You Want, what you focus on you get more of, so I need to remember to focus on what I want instead of what I don’t want. Instead of focusing on lack I need to focus on the positives. I need to either change the story or focus on a different story.
I am reframing my current situation in the following ways.
- I am grateful for all the wonderful things I DO have in my life. I’m particularly grateful to have an additional income. My income is now exceeding my expenditure, rather than the other way around AND I’m able to start paying off my debts, even if it’s only £50 per month.
- I have taken President Ikeda’s (President of the lay Buddhist organisation SGI) advice on work and I am committing to give 100% to my job at the call centre. I am reminding myself to be in service whatever I am doing and give it my all.
- I’m taking action every day. Sometimes that action is working on my writing or my businesses. Sometimes that action is taking care of myself by having some downtime. Every action I take is a step forward, even if it’s just a baby step.
- I believe my mission on life is to make people laugh and make people happy. I’ve recently started a new business where I can make people happy by helping them save money and make money. The best thing is that I get paid for doing so. It’s a no brainer.
- I’m still visualising my long-term goals, even though currently they seem impossible. I know that with my Buddhist practice I can make the impossible possible. I don’t need to know how I will achieve these goals. I just need to keep visualising the outcomes I want, keep taking baby steps and the Universe will take care of the rest.
So, it seems I am a slow learner. Sometimes I feel like I’m back to square one and I haven’t progressed at all. In reality though I realise that I have made huge progress. This is all part of the learning experience. As I mentioned in a previous post ‘It’s always darkest before the dawn’ and as Nicherin Daishonin (Buddha of the Latter Day of the Law) says ‘Winter always to turns to spring’.
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