“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation – some fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.” – The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
You may have noticed that my blog has been quiet lately. I’ve been experiencing a period of fatigue and depression. I have often felt like giving it up. Sometimes it all feels too hard. When I feel like this, it’s made worse by the fact that I feel like a hypocrite and beat myself up for it.
It has been suggested by some of my friends and mentors that if I write honestly about my experience, not only will I benefit, I will help others as well. Being of service is known to be one of the keys to happiness.
Throughout this recent low time in my life I have neglected my daily happiness practices and I’m sure that contributes to the depression. It can be a vicious circle, whereas when I do my practices it can be a virtuous circle. I have a number of happiness practices including prayer, gratitude, meditation, grounding, morning pages, visualistion, affirmations and intentions, of which the core rituals are prayer, gratitude, grounding, morning pages and meditation. I have written about some of these in previous blogs and others will be covered in future blogs. I am also intending to add Tai Chi. When I do these practices from day to day I often don’t feel as if they’re working but if I look closer I realise that life is smoother and serener when I do the rituals and life becomes chaotic when they’re missing. I still get down times when I do the rituals but they are fewer, there is more time in between and the down time is shorter.
Yesterday I felt very low and when I went to bed I couldn’t sleep. My mind was churning about what I should and shouldn’t be doing. I remembered two important happiness practices: surrender and ho’oponopono. I prayed for help to surrender and then lay there repeating to myself, “I surrender, I surrender.” I also repeated the ho’oponopono* prayer: “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.” Very soon I began to experience a sense of serenity and calm and I went off to sleep.
I would recommend that everyone incorporates some kind of happiness practices into their lives. They don’t have to be spriritual or religious practices. They can be tailored to suit your beliefs and needs. I would also recommend starting slowly with one or two practices and building on them. I sometimes try to do too much and then I get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing.
It has been my intention for a while now to start a happiness club to help myself to achieve happiness and also to help others who can benefit from what I’ve learnt and continue to learn. I feel that this would benefit me and others enormously. There is a big part of me that is terrified of failure and that’s holding me back. I have to take the plunge and move forward with this project.
This reminds me of my dear friend Sarah Shepherd’s recent article about The Energies of May 2013, where she quoted Patrick Overton, “When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on or you will be taught how to fly.”
I’m praying to God and the angels to give me the courage to follow through with this project and I’m asking you to pray for me to whichever higher power you believe in and if you don’t believe in anything, please just send me some positive vibes.
I will be running happiness clubs in Ipswich and online. For more information and to register, please email me at email@example.com and type “I want to learn to love myself” in the subject heading.
*Ho’oponopono will be covered in a future article.
Deepak Chopra’s sixth spiritual law of success is the law of detachment. I think detachment is the biggest key to manifesting and it’s the hardest technique to master. Paradoxically, the more attached we are to the outcome of our intention, the harder is to manifest.
We don’t need to know how we will achieve our intentions and focusing on the “cursed hows” as Mike Dooley calls them, delays the outcome. When we start thinking about how we will manifest our desires we get in the way and limit the universe. The universe is much cleverer than us and much cleverer than we often give it credit for. It has often been said that “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” We don’t know exactly how our intention will manifest and we don’t need to know. I once asked the universe for a silver Audi TT using visualistion and I got a silver StreetKa, which could be considered a poor man’s Audi TT. Nevertheless I was extremely pleased with the outcome.
The thing that I wanted the most was a relationship and because I wanted it so badly, it took me a long time to manifest. I kept asking my angel cards for guidance and I kept getting the same card. “Accept Heaven’s Help. You’ve asked for heaven’s help. Now get out of the way and let us help you.” I realised that I was trying too hard and that I kept trying to control and manipulate the situation. I was always thinking about things I could do to attract a guy’s attention. It was a hard habit to break. In the end I got sick and I didn’t have the energy to flirt, let alone manipulate.
I surrendered to God or the universe, or whatever you want to call a higher power. If things didn’t work out with a guy, I shrugged it off and I trusted that the universe had someone or something better in store for me. This wasn’t easy and I still took it hard when things didn’t work out but I kept praying, kept surrendering and kept trusting.
As I started to get better physically and emotionally, I started taking better care of myself. Everyone always says that you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. This always drove me crazy and I always wanted to knock them out. The thing is that we all know that we have to love ourselves but we don’t know how. I was doing a lot of work on myself spiritually and I joined some support groups. I started treating myself how I hoped a lover would treat me. I bought myself some sexy bras and panties. I treated myself to massages and other beauty treatments. I lit candles in the evening. I took sea salt baths with essential oils. I got to the point where I felt really happy and suddenly I realised that it was OK and although I wanted to be in a relationship, I didn’t need one to be happy. Shortly after voicing that thought at one of my support groups I started a relationship. That was in October and I began a happy relationship with someone that I consider to be one of my soulmates. It is potentially the first healthy relationship I’ve had in my 37 years of life. Unfortunately we split up in March, due to it being a long distance relationship. I hope that we can find a way to live in the same country and get back together. When things get tough or I miss him, I have to keep remembering to surrender and trust that if it’s meant to be the universe will conspire to make it happen. I don’t need to know how. I just need to trust and if for any reason it doesn’t work out I know that the universe has an even better soulmate relationship lined up for me.
Exercise: Think of a situation in your life right now that is not going according to plan. Take some deep breaths, hand it over to the universe and trust. Repeat this exercise every time you start to obsess or worry.