The Key to Internet Dating for Men

What’s the key to internet dating for men? Internet dating can be soul destroying. I’ve been on many dates where I don’t fancy him or he doesn’t fancy me or neither of us fancies each other. Many times I’ve felt like throwing in the towel. I have loads of friends that have met their soul mates online.

I spent five years internet dating before I went to Egypt, without success. Since my return to the UK I have taken it up again and I am really enjoying the whole experience. I’m unsure if it’s me that’s changed or the men. I suspect it’s the former and the fact that being three years older and wiser has improved my choice of men. I used to have many men propositioning me for sex, but then maybe that’s because I used to have a cleavage shot as a profile picture.

Four years on as I view men’s profiles and read their emails, I am shocked and dismayed at some of the school boy errors a lot of men are making and therefore shooting themselves in the foot. I feel compelled to write this article from a women’s point of view to give you chaps some tips.

Your Profile

Keep this positive and upbeat. Use examples, if you say you’re adventurous back it up with an example. Avoid negativity, bitterness and talking about ex-partners. All those things are a big turn off. I am shocked by the number of guys who put themselves down in their profile. It’s important for you to love yourself before someone else can love you. Some guys angrily rant about bad dating experiences or ex-partners. It’s generally best to avoid talking about exes, even if it’s in a positive way. Talking about an ex in your profile indicates that you still need to get over them.

For example this would be a foolish thing to write,

“I’m now ready to start dating again, despite that fact that my bitch ex-wife shagged my best friend and then fleeced me in the divorce.”

Bad grammar is also a big turn off.

Your Photo

Always put a photo on your profile, even if you believe you are ugly. Someone will find you handsome and will fancy you. I only look at profiles with pictures and most women are the same. A lot of the guys I go for are just average looking but they win me over with interesting profiles.

Stay away from partially nude and topless photos, unless you want to give the impression that you’re a player and only after one thing. These kinds of photos are occasionally acceptable in the right circumstances, for example, if you’re on the beach.

George, a skinny, pale guy, had a picture of himself wearing a pair of jeans and without a shirt, with the caption: “The Shark. Snake69. Fit as f*ck if you like to no me.” Oh, the irony. A classic example of a bad photo and terrible grammar.


Avoid copy and paste. Write about something that you’ve read in the lady’s profile to give the email a personal touch. Again bad grammar is a no no.

Build rapport by mirroring and matching in the email. Look for words that the person uses and use the same words in your message. You can also match the style and grammar of the other person. This is one occasion where bad grammar would be acceptable.

Women like decisive men. After three or four emails I would recommend asking the woman out for a coffee. A coffee date is an ideal way to meet someone without pressure and see if there’s a spark between you. It’s always better to meet up sooner rather than later.

Keep Positive

It’s easy to become disheartened when you have a bad date or only receive a few replies. Keep in mind the bigger picture and remember that it will be worth it when you begin that special relationship. You may feel as though many women are ignoring your emails. Women generally receive a lot more emails than men, as men are still the hunters, even in these modern times. I have received over 1000 emails in the last few months and I am unable to read them all, let alone reply to them.

The Date

Always travel to meet the woman in her home town if you can and if she is comfortable with it. If you only have limited knowledge of the area, do some research and find somewhere special to meet your date. As with emailing build rapport by mirroring and matching both words and body language.

Date as many women as you can to give you the best chance of finding the right one. Be completely honest with your dates about this and understand they may want to do the same. As author of ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus‘, John Gray would say, “Date around, don’t sleep around.”

I really hope these tips on internet dating for men help men to improve their internet dating skills. Remember there are always plenty more fish in the sea and there is someone for everyone. As I said earlier, I have many friends that met their partners online. It is my wish that everyone could be in a relationship with their soul mate. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me.

4 Replies to “The Key to Internet Dating for Men”

  1. Like the article you wrote and in many ways I agree with it. I think what you are describing is ‘the rule’ – but with the topsy turvy world of men and women I think theres a lot of ‘the exception’ going on too.
    I have noticed a strange phenomina with dating (well the whole love thing actually). In my experience, the less effort I make with women, the more they seem to want me! Its bizzaire, the girls I have met and really liked almost without exception seem to be put off by that fact. Its weird becasue Im naturally quite an open person, if I like someone I’ll show it, but this whole 21st century pair bonding game is turning me into someone who is deliberately vauge and non-commital. Not really who I am!
    I think there is a commonly held myth that men have to make the first move, do the chasing, but I think in reality women pretty much hold all the cards and create an illusion that the man is in the driving seat fror the sake of appearances and social custom.
    Well that’s my two peneth worth, as with all this stuff this is generalising and only reflects my observations but I think there may be some truth here.
    Internet dating too feels so artificial. Been very interesting though, learnt alot of stuff about myself and other people so it hasnt been all bad by any stretch. But the whole thing has left me feeling that the idea of love, boyfriend/girlfriend style is perhaps rather outdated and cliched in the context of the world we live in nowadays. The true thing cannot be bought on line with a few clicks like everything else.
    Anyway I could ramble on about it all day – so your artcile must be pretty good as its inspired debate and self reflection…cant be a bad thing!

    1. There’s always as exeption to every rule.

      I’ve read a lot of books about dating and relationships, written by men and women, and they nearly all say that men like to chase and are turned off by women who pursue them. In my experience when I pursue men it never gets me anywhere. Although I have to admit that when men puruse me, it does freak me out a bit, maybe cos I’m not used to it. I think we all just want what we can’t have.

      I think dating has changed. These links are quite interesting re the dynamics of relationships.

      I am currently reading and completing a workbook about attracting love into your life, Calling in the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas. I was reading lesson two this morning about self-sufficient we’ve become. In the past we were a lot more family orientated. We relied on our families for support, where as today we rely on machines and external services. The book gives an example of a farmer. In the past at the time of harvest the family would all muck in and these days the farmer calls in a contractor instead.

      There’s also the fact that we’re obsessed with romantic love as portrayed in the movies and in love songs. The book quotes the following:

      “In Gila: Life and Death of an American River, author Gregory McNamee writes

      An anthropologist asked a Hopi why so many of his people’s songs were about rain. The Hopi replied, “Because water is scarce. Is that why so many of your songs are about love?”

      I am unsure what the answer is. Maybe our expectations are too high as a result of watching these movies and listening to these songs. But then who wants to settle for second best? Something I’ve realised that I do is obsess about meeting “The One.” When I meet someone I always think of them in terms of their potential of being “The One.” When I think they have potential to be the one I am determined to catch them and hold onto them for dear life. I pursue them and chase them and scare them away. When I think they have no potential I usually end the relationship fairly quickly as I feel like I’m wasting my time and theirs. Either way I am sabotaging the relationship. I should just chill out and enjoy the time and see what happens.

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