How to Get What you Want – Be Grateful

Every morning I list five things that I’m grateful for. Being grateful moves us from a place of lack to a place of abundance by helping us to focus on all the positive things in our lives. This is a great way to start being happy.

Exercise: Write a list at least five A5 pages long of things that you’re grateful for. Send a message to a family member or friend and let them know how grateful you are for their love and support. After that write a list of five things that you’re grateful for every day before you start work or the day’s activities.

How to Get What You Want – Be Happy

The quickest way to get what you want is to be happy. You may think that you cannot be happy until you have what you want. The paradox is that once you are happy, you will get what you want. Abraham Hicks calls it getting into “The Vortex.” Abraham also calls it raising your vibration. When you raise your vibration and elevate your mood, the universe matches your vibration and sends you what you want. All of the techniques featured in this series of articles will raise your vibration. Other ways to raise your vibration include dancing, singing, laughing, exercising, playing with pets and spending quality time with friends and loved ones.  Basically anything that you find enjoyable and fun will raise your vibration and take you into the vortex.

Exercise: Do at least one activity that you find enjoyable today.

How to Get What You Want

In the last year or so I have become extremely good at getting what I want. People keep asking me how I do it, so I’m planning to write a series of articles about the techniques I use, to teach you how to get what you want.

I believe these techniques work for two reasons. The first is the law of attraction. My understanding of the law of attraction is that like attracts like, what you focus on is what you get and  Thoughts Become Things. This concept was made popular by Abraham Hicks, as well as books and films such as The Secret and What the bleep do we know?. The idea is that our words and thoughts send out vibrations to the universe and the universe responds with the same vibration. The second reason is that what we focus on has an impact on our subconscious mind. When we set an intention that we want something our unconsciously we start seeking ways to achieve that intention. When we set goals and focus on them, our subconscious mind is reminded about those goals. Some would say that the universe brings us creative ideas about how to achieve our goals and intentions.

Many people say that the law of attraction doesn’t work. The law of attraction is always working and we always receive whatever it is that we’re focusing on. The Secret did a great job of taking the law of attraction into the mainstream and bringing it to people’s attention, although in my humble opinion it only skimmed the surface. People are practicing the techniques in The Secret, such as affirmations and visualisation for maybe ten minutes in the morning and then spending the rest of the day worrying and complaining. Worrying and complaining are negative forms of affirmations and focusing on all the negative things in your life will bring more of the same.

As many of you know we experienced a big energy shift in December 2012 and as a result of the new energies coming in, we are manifesting very quickly. This means that it’s imperative that we are aware of what we’re focusing on as we can either manifest good things or bad things in our lives. On a positive note, this means that we can dream big and manifest great things with this energy.

My intention is that through this series of articles you can learn simple tools and techniques to help you focus on what you DO want and attract more of that into your life. So please become a follower of my blog to keep up to date with my latest articles and so that you too can learn how to get what you want.

The Reason Discovered

My horrendously stressful week, mentioned in my previous article, “Mindfulness for Depression”, led me to seriously consider resigning. The following weekend as I contemplated leaving my job, I felt a rising sense of elation, empowerment and relief. I had been thinking of resigning for about six months for various reasons. I liked my job as a recruitment manager but I wasn’t passionate about it. It could be boring and when it wasn’t boring, it was stressful. I kept thinking about leaving but I was reluctant to leave such a lucrative position and every time I made plans to leave I was filled with fear. This time was different; I could feel in my gut that it was time to go.

The final straw was when my car broke down at 10pm in the middle of the country, as I mentioned in my previous article, “If Everything Happens for a Reason…”.  I made the mistake of logging into my work emails on my phone while I was waiting to be rescued and I saw that my favourite  bitch client (I bless her with love) was sending her usual demanding emails. At 11pm. Didn’t she have a life for fuck’s sake?

It was nearly midnight when the Green Flag arrived. I knew that I would need a rest the following morning, so I text my boss to tell that I would be starting work late. He replied that the said client needed us to arrange interviews urgently and he’d already been doing my job for me as I’d “clocked” off at 6pm, so I would have to start on time. I was absolutely furious.

When the guy from the Green Flag eventually turned up, it turned out that I had run out of petrol because my petrol gauge light wasn’t working. He put some in from a petrol can and followed me four miles to the nearest petrol station to make sure I got there safely. How he kept up with me I don’t know. I always drive like a bat out of hell but when I’m angry my driving is like nothing you can imagine. I seethed all the way to the petrol station and all the way home. I was determined to hand in my notice the next day. I finally got into bed and curled up with my hot water bottle at 1am (at least three hours past my bedtime). I was so cold that I left the heating on. It took me ages to warm up. I was chilled to the bone.

I resigned the next day, which was Wednesday, had an interview on Thursday and was offered the position on Friday. I am lucky that I am really good at manifesting and I’m also really good at getting jobs. I managed to get this job despite making a huge bloob at the interview. I do have a habit of making huge bloobs due to spending lots of my time off with the fairies. I once attended an interview where I had to do a psychometric test and the results showed that I am always getting myself into trouble and “situations”, but I usually manage to charm my way out of them, which sounds pretty spot on. Anyway getting back to my huge bloob. I decided to get up nice and early so that I had plenty of time to get ready and arrive at the interview on time, rather than doing everything by the seat of my pants as usual. I was really pleased with myself as I rolled up 20 minutes early at 9.40am.

The receptionist told me that Harmoni were in the Levington room. I went upstairs to the room and I was surprised that there weren’t any other candidates milling around and there were no signs outside the door. Puzzled, I knocked on the door. A lady answered my knock but didn’t give me space to enter. She looked at me expectantly.

“Can you come back in ten minutes?” she whispered.

“Is this Harmoni?” I replied, in the same hushed tones.

“Yes, I’ve just got someone doing a presentation and I’m timing it.”

As I walked away I felt that this was all a bit odd. I went back to the reception and the manager confirmed that yes, Harmoni were definitely in the Levington room.

I went back up the stairs and I noticed coffee and cakes outside the room, so I helped myself and fished out my phone to talk to my friend Areej on whatsap. After a few minutes, the lady came out of the room and asked if she could help me.

“I’m here for the assessment day,” I said, licking the telltale remains of cake from my lips.

She frowned, “I don’t know anything about an assessment day.”

“You are from Harmoni?” I confirmed.

“Yes,” she replied, “but I’m doing train the trainer.”

I wondered if Harmoni had another room booked. I furrowed my brow and as I did so a vision of the confirmation email came into view. “Holiday Inn, London Road.” I realised with horror that I was at the wrong Holiday Inn. It was 9.55 and I had five minutes to get to the correct venue on the other side of Ipswich.

As I hurried back to the car I called the HR department to let them know of my predicament. They didn’t seem unduly bothered. I was concerned. I knew from my experience as a Recruitment Manager that lateness for an interview could automatically exclude you from being offered a job.

Luckily the wrong Holiday Inn was right next to the A14 and so I speed along a couple of junctions to the correct Holiday Inn and arrived at 10.05am. I parked and headed to what I thought was the reception and turned out to be a fire door. Luckily it was open, so I slipped in. The receptionist directed me to sit in the lounge and wait to be called. I sat there for a while and I thought it was odd that nobody called me, especially as it was now well past 10am. I debated whether to go back to the reception. I spotted a guy walking past and I had a feeling that he was from Harmoni. I asked him and he took me to the room where a presentation about Harmoni and the NHS 111 service was taking place.

We had to fill out a great pile of application forms, have a one to one interview, do a role play and a group exercise. I knew I had performed well in all of the exercises but I was concerned that I might be declined due to my lateness or being overqualified.

Anyway, as you know I was offered the position and I started work training as a Health Advisor a week and a half ago. My drop in income means that I can no longer swan around having shellac nails done every two weeks and I’ll have to pluck my own eyebrows, but the trade off is a better quality of life. I feel like a new woman. I am so much happier and my whole body feels more relaxed. I have a certain amount of fear about my finances but I believe that the Divine will take care of me. Life is too short to be in a job where I am unhappy and it’s time for me to follow my heart and pursue my dream of being a writer. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that everything happens for a reason and everything always works out for the best.

If everything happens for a reason …

I broke down in the middle of the country last night. It was cold and dark. Minus two degrees or less. It took Green Flag almost two hours to come and rescue me. When I finally got home Gaby and Charlie were waiting at the top of the stairs, looking at me like disapproving parents. If everything happens for a reason and / or we attract everything into our lives, what is the reason for that?

Mindfulness for Depression

This week has been extremely stressful. Work has been very busy and I’ve felt under a lot of pressure. The week started on Monday with a client complaining about me and asking for me to be removed from their account and ended on Friday with a conference call with the three directors of the company and a member of my team, where I got well and truly bollocked.

I have been referred to a Mindfulness Course with CBT through the Suffolk Wellbeing service, which is designed to help people with recurring depression to avoid relapse. The course is every Friday between 6 and 8pm, so my bosses agreed that I could finish work at 5.30. Unfortunately two of the Directors asked me to do something at the last minute and I didn’t finish until 5.45 and what with getting stuck in traffic, I ended up arriving thirty minutes late.

The facilitator asked us to introduce ourselves to the person sitting next to us. The lady sitting next to me and I just looked at each other and then I said abruptly,

“So what’s yer name then?”

In a strong accent she said, “Shall I go first then?” which I heard as “Shaggal Guffirst.”

I blinked. What sort of name as Shaggal? I thought I must have misheard.

“Sorry, can you say that again?”

Again I heard, “Shaggal Guffirst.”

“Shaggal?” I said incredulously. As soon as the words left my lips I felt that I made a faux pas. The lady looked at me.

“SHALL I GO FIRST THEN?” she said slowly and loudly, as if talking to a child.

I laughed out loud and apologised. She seemed unamused.

***

The facilitator talked about the seven principles of mindfulness: non-judging, patience, beginner’s mind, trust, non-striving, acceptance and letting go. He explained the importance of being present and aware of everything and looking at everything as if for the first time.

“We’ll be starting with an eating meditation,” he said, picking up a bowl and a spoon.

“Did he just say eating meditation?” I thought, thinking I must have misheard again. My head was still in  a spin from the rush to arrive on time.

To my delight, it turned out that it was an eating meditation. I saw him dropping small things into the bowl, which I hoped was chocolate but which looked more like raisins. He then went around the room using the spoon to drop one or two raisins into everyone’s hands. Being mindful brought my awareness to my inner dialogue.

“Oh crap. Is that raisins? I hate raisins.”

“I wonder if I have to eat it.”

“Think about it with a beginner’s mind, as if you’ve never seen or tried a raisin before.”

“Oh crap, he’s put two in my hand. I’m going to have to eat two.”

I wondered if eating the raisin mindfully with a beginner’s mind might mean that I did like raisins after all.

The facilitator asked us to really look at the raisins. To squeeze them, to hold them up to the light, to look at the creases, to listen them, to squeeze them next to our ears. I was amazed to hear a distinct sound as I did so.

We then placed them on our bottom lip for a few moments and noticed the sensations, before placing them in our mouths, moving them around our lips and our gums with our tongue and then finally slowly chewing and swallowing.

I have to admit, it was a very profound experience. I have read a lot of stuff about eating consciously and this brought it to a new level. I didn’t think I could enjoy my food unless I was stuffing it in my face and this exercise proved otherwise.

We moved on to a body scan meditation and it was difficult for me to be non-judging and have a beginner’s mind. I have meditated for years and I was slightly scornful of what I considered to be a “secular” form of meditation. There was a part of me however, that was very impressed that the NHS was funding a mindfulness meditation course and I felt that maybe there’s hope for the world yet. Apparently studies have proven that taking part in such a course can significantly reduce the chance of a relapse into depression.

I reminded myself of non-judging and beginner’s mind and started the meditation with that attitude. A couple of times I felt bored and wondered how on earth I would last for half an hour. I kept bringing myself back to the breath and back to the meditation. The meditation lasted for well over half an hour and I was pleasantly surprised to note that actually the time passed really quickly and when we finished, I felt extremely relaxed.

I’ve got a feeling that this mindfulness course will benefit me tremendously. It’s an eight-week course. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

Overcoming Loneliness

For some time now I have battled with loneliness. I thought the answer was to increase my social life and make new friends. Although this helped, it only alleviated the problem temporarily. I had to learn to be comfortable in my own skin. I recently discovered that loneliness is less to do with being disconnected from others and more to do with being disconnected from one’s self.

Earlier this year I read and completed “Calling in the One – 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of your Life”, by Katherine Woodward Thomas. Of course the old adage came up that no-one will love you until you love yourself. This is something that everyone parrots and let’s face it, we all know that. The question is how do we learn to love ourselves? That seems to be where I get stuck.

Thomas quotes American poet Marianne Moore, “The best cure for loneliness is solitude.” Thomas goes on to say, “many of us who have come to know solitude have done so with great reluctance and resistance.” We dread being alone and instead we drug ourselves with distractions and addictions to food, TV, internet, games, sex, alcohol and more. Thomas reports that after practicing solitude for a while, “one day the loneliness was gone. In its place was a sense of peace and stillness. She continues, “I wasn’t thrilled to be single and alone but ultimately I was OK with it, because I was OK with me.”

Thomas suggests taking between 5 and 15 minutes every day just sitting in stillness; with no TV, no book, no journal, no phone or anything. On top of this she suggests spending down days or time with the TV, phone and internet switched off for a day or a few hours and pass the time in solitude, walking, reading, writing, meditating, playing soft music, doing light exercise or playing with pets. Now I have to admit to having some resistance to these exercises. I reasoned with myself that as I spent time in meditation most days it was unnecessary to sit in stillness on top of that. I spend half an hour in the car without the radio on and counted that as my down time. Deep down I knew that my resistance to solitude indicated that it was exactly what I needed but still I put it off.

It seems the universe had other ideas and a few weeks later I found myself without my laptop for a week. My laptop, which doubles as my TV and radio, had gone to be repaired. During the week it wasn’t so bad as I was working and commuting to London and I didn’t have much time to get bored or lonely. However as I got the train home on Friday, the weekend loomed over me like a big, black cloud.

I spent Saturday morning with my Grandma and Auntie and then returned home to my empty flat. I was exhausted from my week of commuting so I went to bed for a nap. When I awoke I felt terrible. I was incredibly tired, depressed and lonely. I had a date planned for the evening but I cancelled it as I couldn’t face it. I lay in bed for 45 minutes with thoughts chasing around my head. Eventually I began sobbing. I was at the depths of despair. Then I smiled through my tears as I remembered Lee Harris’s April energy forecast. Harris recounts a time a few years ago when he was so depressed that he was suicidal and what kept him from committing the act was the certainty that after the darkness comes the light. He had experienced low times before and they had always preceded something great. He had never been as low as this before and he was curious to see what was coming next.

As I tasted the salt of my tears on my lips, I remembered that salt water is used to cleanse negative energy. I had the option of a date and I’d also been invited out by friends, and I was lonely. Nevertheless I wanted to be alone. I decided it was time to face my fear of loneliness and “invite it in for tea” as Thomas suggests.

I got up, dried my tears and cooked a healthy dinner. I burned incense and took a cleansing sea salt bath. I spent the evening reading, “The Way of the Essenes. Christ’s Hidden Life Remembered.” As serendipity would have it I read about Simon, the lead character, coming face to face with solitude and dealing with his inner demons.  I enjoyed a lovely, peaceful evening. The next morning I awoke feeling a little apprehensive about another day of solitude ahead but as I got up and starting preparing my breakfast I felt my anxiety slipping away. I spent the day reading, writing and meditating. I did break my solitude a couple of times to check my emails and Facebook on my phone and I also called a dear friend.

Usually in such circumstances I would have turned to food or alcohol for comfort however the most I overate was a couple of handfuls of Pringles and no alcohol passed my lips except for a glass of wine on Friday evening.

The result of my time in solitude was that I felt amazing. I was refreshed and rejuvenated and I had an amazing inner peace. At 4pm on Sunday I was actually disappointed that my weekend of solitude was coming to an end. The weekend was a blessing and I intend to create more opportunities for solitude in my life.

The Key to Internet Dating for Men

Internet dating can be soul destroying. I’ve been on many dates where I don’t fancy him or he doesn’t fancy me or neither of us fancies each other. Many times I’ve felt like throwing in the towel. I have loads of friends that have met their soul mates online. So what’s the secret to successful internet dating?

I spent five years internet dating before I went to Egypt, without success. Since my return to the UK I have taken it up again and I am really enjoying the whole experience. I’m unsure if it’s me that’s changed or the men. I suspect it’s the former and the fact that being three years older and wiser has improved my choice of men. I used to have many men asking propositioning me for sex, but then maybe that’s because I used to have a cleavage shot as a profile picture.

Four years on as I view men’s profiles and read their emails, I am shocked and dismayed at some of the school boy errors a lot of men are making and therefore shooting themselves in the foot. I feel compelled to write this article from a women’s point of view to give you chaps some tips.

Your Profile

Keep this positive and upbeat. Use examples, if you say your adventurous back it up with an example. Avoid negativity, bitterness and talking about ex-partners. All these things are a big turn off. I am shocked by the number of guys who put themselves down in their profile. It’s important for you to love yourself before someone else can love you. Some guys angrily rant about bad dating experiences or ex-partners. It’s generally best to avoid talking about exes, even if it’s in a positive way. Talking about an ex in your profile indicates that you still need to get over them.

For example this would be a foolish thing to write,

“I’m now ready to start dating again, despite that fact that my bitch ex-wife shagged my best friend and then fleeced me in the divorce.”

Bad grammar is also a big turn off.

Your Photo

Always put a photo on your profile, even if you believe you are ugly. Someone will find you handsome and will fancy you. I only look at profiles with pictures and most women are the same. A lot of the guys I go for are just average looking but they win me over with interesting profiles.

Stay away from partially nude and topless photos, unless you want to give the impression that you’re a player and only after one thing. These kinds of photos are occasionally acceptable in the right circumstances, for example if you’re on the beach.

George, a skinny, pale guy, had a picture of himself wearing a pair of jeans and without a shirt, with the caption: The Shark. Snake69. Fit as f*ck if you like to no me. Oh, the irony. A classic example of a bad photo and terrible grammar.

Emailing

Avoid copy and paste. Write about something that you’ve read in the lady’s profile to give the email a personal touch. Again bad grammar is a no no.

Build rapport by mirroring and matching in the email. Look for words that the person uses and use the same words in your mail. You can also match the style and grammar of the other person. This is one occasion when bad grammar would be acceptable.

Women like decisive men. After three of four emails I would recommend asking the woman out for a coffee. A coffee date is an ideal way to meet someone without pressure and see if there’s a spark between you. It’s always better to meet up sooner rather than later.

Keep Positive

It’s easy to become disheartened when you have a bad date or you only receive a few replies. Keep in mind the bigger picture and remember that it will be worth it when you begin that special relationship. You feel as though many women are ignoring your emails. Women generally receive a lot more emails than men, as men are still the hunters, even in these modern times. I have received over 1000 emails in the last few months and I am unable to read them all, let alone reply to them.

The Date

Always travel to meet the woman in her home town if you can and if she is comfortable with it. If you only have limited knowledge of the area, do some research and find somewhere special to meet your date. As with emailing build rapport by mirroring and matching both words and body language.

Date as many women as you can to give you the best chance of finding the right one. Be completely honest with your dates about this and understand they may want to do the same. As John Gray would say, “Date around, don’t sleep around.”

I really hope this information helps men to improve their internet dating skills. Remember there are always plenty more fish in the sea and there is someone for everyone. As I said earlier, I have many friends that met their partners online. It is my wish that everyone could be in a relationship with their soul mate. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me.

The Key to Life

Well I have to admit I’ve been pretty rubbish at keeping this blog updated. On the plus side, so far 2012 has been fabulous. I have been eating generally more healthily, I have taken up running, I’ve been on loads of great dates and I’m feeling really relaxed and happy.

I’m really enjoying living in Ipswich and I am finally learning to chill out, be present, trust and surrender. I believe these things are the key to life. I’ve stopped stressing about what I should be doing and started doing what I want to do, without feeling guilty. I am also to start to get the hang of manifesting. In the last few months I have manifest two amazing friends, a flat, a car, various amounts of unexpected sums of money up to £400 and my £25,000 of debt has magically disappeared.

I used to get my knickers in a twist that I should be meditating, become a vegan, be exercising, do yoga, spend time in nature, cut out sugar and so on. I often felt overwhelmed by all the information about spirituality and all the material I read about spiritual practices that I should be doing. Now I read what I want, if and when I want to read it. I have found certain practices that work for me such as gratitude, ho’oponopono, Deepak Chopra’s Seven Spiritual Laws of Success (particularly the law of intention), the Power of Now, tithing and meditation. I release the need to feel that I have to practice them and I practice them if and when I want to. I find that I want to practice them most days and I can see and feel the results in my life.

Learning to love myself in 2012

My intention for 2012 is learn to love and care about myself. My first step is to stop eating crap and start eating healthily by increasing my intake of raw fruit and vegetables and decreasing my intake of white flour, sugar and meat.
On the menu today:

Breakfast
Tea with milk
Oatibix oat flakes
Alpro soya yoghurt
Pumpkin seeds
Melon

Snack
Decaffeinated coffee
Banana

Lunch
Scrambled Egg
Seeded wholemeal Toast
Baked Beans
Redbush tea

Snack
Learning to Love Myself Sugar Free Chocolate Truffles

Dinner
Learning to Love Myself Cheese and Vegetable Bake

Reflections on the day
I felt a bit low earlier as I was lonely and worried about finding work and how I will manage financially, so I prayed and thought about what could help me feel better. I repeated the Ho’oponopono prayer a few times and said a gratitude prayer, as I know they have helped me before. To be honest, I didn’t expect them to help but I soon felt much better and felt motivated to cook a healthy dinner.
Gratitude Prayer – Every day I make it a habit to pray and give thanks for all the fantastic things in my life. This enables me to focus on the good, rather than the negative. This raises my vibration and attracts abundance into my life.
My breakfast cereal (oatibix oatflakes) contains sugar as does Alpro Soya yoghurt, so I intend to replace these with a sugar free alternative.
I could have eaten more raw fruit and vegetables by replacing the truffles with fruit, such as clementines, and saving the truffles as an end of day treat. I could also have had a salad with my dinner and drunk a lot more water.
No food is forbidden. It is my experience that as soon as I food is forbidden I eat it like there’s no tomorrow. 😀
My intentions for the rest of the day and tomorrow are:
1) To watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – part one
2) To watch some comedy. I believe that watching comedy is a good way to raise your vibration
3) To meditate for 30 minutes before I go to bed
4) To play something uplifting and positive as I go to sleep, so that it permeates my unconscious mind
5) To wake up and practice yoga and meditation
6) To practice the Ho’oponopono prayer, gratitude prayer and read my intentions list
7) To go for a walk in nature
8) To update this blog
9) To find case studies for my life coaching qualification

And so it is. And so it shall be.