I used to believe that I would never be Happy and that I would certainly never be Happy without the help of anti-depressants. I thought that if I came off the anti-depressants, I would be miserable and I would lose my warmth and sense of humour. I thought I was a prisoner of my circumstances.
My childhood was pretty unhappy. My parents divorced when I was very young. I was devastated when my dad left and even more devastated when he remarried my stepmum and became a dad to my stepsister, who was six months younger than me.
My parents were often locked in confrontation, and I felt caught in the middle. Both my mum and stepmum constantly criticised me and put me down. My mum and my stepmum had their own mental health problems. I felt that no-one liked me, and I wasn’t good enough. It was difficult for me to make friends.
Does this sound familiar? Have you been affected by unhappy events from your childhood?
To add insult to injury, I was brought up in a strict religious household. At the tender age of 17, I was excommunicated from the religious community and estranged from my friends and family.
After that I rebelled and went totally off the rails. I would tell my story of woe to anyone that would listen. My friends were fed up with me always crying and playing the victim. Looking to drugs, alcohol, food, money, and sex to find Happiness, I became severely depressed. I blamed my parents and everyone else in the world for my problems.
For a very long time, that was my reality. I was depressed, lonely, overweight, around £18,000 in debt, single, and displayed various addictive behaviours.
I even ran away to Egypt looking for a fairy tale ending. What I didn’t consider was that I took my problems with me.
Can you relate to this? Have you ever, or do you blame others for your problems? Are looking to external things for Happiness?
I read my first self-help book when I was 21. Slowly my perspective started to change as I discovered more healthy addictions to self-help, personal development, and spiritual practices.
I grew up feeling unlovable and not enough. In my twenties I often told my poor me story to get attention. At some point something shifted. I realised that people could either spend time with me because they felt sorry for me, and they felt they had to, or they could spend time with me because I was fun to be around and that it was a positive, uplifting experience to spend time with me. I realised that I preferred the later.
I knew I had to change my story. I stopped blaming others for my problems. It was time to put my big girl pants on and take responsibility. I realised that I am responsible for my own Happiness. No-one else is responsible for my Happiness. I am not responsible for anyone else’s Happiness. This felt liberating and empowering. It was a relief.
I started incorporating things I’d learnt from my self-help books and workshops into a regular Happiness practice.
I call 2015 my year of transformation. It was the year I turned 40. I did so much healing and work on myself that year. 2015 was the year I started to really take responsibility. The year I started to really love myself. I became Happy, or at least Happy enough to attract and maintain a healthy relationship.
Ironically, I overcame loneliness by spending time alone and learning to be Happy in my own company. There is nothing more attractive than a Happy, independent woman, who is comfortable in her own skin. People often commented on my high life state. I often heard the compliment that I was glowing.
Through my law of attraction practice I learned, amongst other things, to focus on what I want, instead of what I don’t want. As a result of that, combined with my high life state, I attracted my life partner. I also attracted a beautiful house with a gorgeous garden, which my partner and I moved into 18 months later. I have been a student of the law of attraction for over 25 years. I have a knack of getting what I want. It is my intention to help others learn to do the same.
As a result of my Happiness practices, I have developed peace of mind and joy. This led me to be able to come off my anti-depressants. These practices include meditation, prayer, gratitude, Tapping, continued dedication to personal development, and more. I have been Happy without my antidepressants for over six years now.
2019 was the year I committed to a full-time job. Taking responsibility, instead of playing the blame game, enabled me to really enjoy my work and make a success of it. I had a track record of hitting and exceeding my targets. Two years after starting I was promoted. I stayed in that job for three and a half years and it is the longest I ever stayed in a fulltime job. Since then, I have left, and I now work parttime so that I can focus on my side-gig Happiness Club.
I became determined to be debt free, and I started paying off my debts at £1 per month. I slowly increased that and when I started my full-time job, I was paying £350 per month towards paying those debts. I have been debt free for four years now.
I stopped looking to food and drink to fill the void of unhappiness deep inside me. As I started to love myself, I took better care of myself. I started eating healthily and reduced my alcohol intake. I love my food and drink. I still treat myself on occasions. It’s all about moderation. As a result of my improved lifestyle, my health has never been better, and I have dropped two dress sizes.
The thing that has helped me more than anything is my spiritual beliefs and my faith. Absolute Happiness comes from a deep faith that whatever happens the Universe has got my back, and everything is working out for my highest good.
Don’t get me wrong, I still get stressed and depressed sometimes but my natural state is Happiness, peace, joy, and serenity. I am still funny (or at least I like to think so).
Because of my experience I am passionate about empowering people who are fed up with feeling fed up to take action to feel Happier and get what they want.
I’m writing a book entitled Happiness Club: Learn to Be Happy and Get What You Want. To be notified when it’s published join the Happiness Club mailing list and download part one / chapter one – ‘Design Your Dream Life‘ now.
