The Power of Silence

“Infinite silence is the mind of God…Practise silence and you will acquire silent knowledge.”

– Deepak Chopra

I have found spending time in silence and solitude is a key component in learning to be Happy and overcoming loneliness. When I was single, I felt lonely a lot. I thought the answer was to increase my social life and make new friends. Although this helped, it only alleviated the problem temporarily. I had to learn to be comfortable in my own skin. I discovered that loneliness was less to do with being disconnected from others and more to do with me being disconnected from myself.

A few years ago, I read and completed, Calling in “The One” by Katherine Woodward Thomas. Of course, the old adage came up that no one will love you until you love yourself. This is something that a lot of people say and, let’s face it, we all know it. The question is how do we learn to love ourselves? That seemed to be where I got stuck.

Thomas quotes American poet Marianne Moore: “The best cure for loneliness is solitude.” Thomas goes on to say, “Many of us who have come to know solitude have done so with great reluctance and resistance.” We dread being alone and instead we drug ourselves with distractions and addictions to food, TV, internet, games, sex, alcohol and more. Thomas reports that after practising solitude for a while, “One day the loneliness was gone. In its place was a sense of peace and stillness.” She continues, “I wasn’t thrilled to be single and alone, but ultimately I was okay with it, because I was okay with me.”

Thomas suggests taking between 5 and 15 minutes every day just sitting in stillness with no TV, no book, no journal, no phone, or anything. On top of this, she suggests having “Down Days” or time with the TV, phone and internet switched off for a day or a few hours and pass the time in silence and solitude, walking, reading, writing, meditating, playing soft music, doing light exercise or playing with pets. Now I must admit to having some resistance to these exercises. I reasoned with myself that as I spent time in meditation most days it was unnecessary to sit in stillness on top of that. I often spent half an hour in the car without the radio on and counted that as my downtime. Deep down I knew that my resistance to silence and solitude indicated that it was exactly what I needed, but still, I put it off.

It seemed the Universe had other ideas and a few weeks later I found myself without my laptop for a week. Back then my laptop doubled as my TV and radio, and it had gone to be repaired. During the week it wasn’t so bad as I was working and commuting to London. I didn’t have much time to get bored or lonely. However, as I got the train home on Friday, the weekend loomed over me like a big black cloud. I spent Saturday morning with my grandma and auntie and then returned home to my empty flat. I was exhausted from my week of commuting, so I went to bed for a nap. When I awoke, I felt terrible. I felt incredibly tired, depressed, and lonely.

I had a date planned for the evening, but I cancelled it as I couldn’t face it. I lay in bed for 45 minutes with thoughts chasing around my head.

Eventually, I began sobbing. I was in the depths of despair. Then I smiled through my tears as I remembered spiritual teacher Lee Harris’ energy update for that month. This forecast works much like your ordinary weather ones in that you can use it to prepare for the month ahead, except it predicts the cosmic energies rather than what the skies will be like.

In his report, Harris had recounted a time when he was so depressed that he was suicidal. What kept him from committing the act was the certainty that after the darkness comes the light. He had experienced low times before and they had always preceded something great. As he explained, he had never been as low as this before, and he was curious to see what was coming next.

As I tasted the salt of tears on my lips, I remembered that salt water is used to cleanse negative energy. I had the option of a date and I’d also been invited out by friends, and I was lonely. Nevertheless, I wanted to be alone. I decided it was time to face my fear of loneliness and “invite it in for tea” as Thomas suggests. I got up, dried my tears, and cooked a healthy dinner. I burned incense and took a cleansing sea salt bath. In the evening I read The Way of the Essenes: Christ’s Hidden Life Remembered.

As serendipity would have it, I read about Simon, the lead character, coming face to face with solitude and dealing with his inner demons. I enjoyed a lovely, peaceful evening. The next morning, I awoke feeling a little apprehensive about another day of solitude ahead but as I got up and started preparing my breakfast, I felt my anxiety slipping away. I spent the day reading, writing, and meditating. Usually, in such circumstances, I would have turned to food or alcohol for comfort. However, the most I overate was a couple of handfuls of Pringles and I had a glass of wine Friday evening.

The result of spending the weekend in solitude was that I felt amazing. I felt refreshed and rejuvenated. I had an amazing inner peace. At 4 pm on Sunday I was disappointed that my weekend of silence and solitude was coming to an end. The weekend was a blessing and I decided to create more opportunities for solitude in my life.

Once I overcame my loneliness and became Happy, I was able to attract and maintain a healthy relationship. Now that I am in a relationship, I still practise times of solitude and have a DIY silent retreat at home from time to time. I would like to tell you that I do this regularly but, in all honesty, I am quite busy. I also still have a lot of resistance to it, even though I know how much it benefits me.

If you prefer to hear me read this post on YouTube you can do so here The Power of Silence.

I’m Samantha Brook.

I’m a Happiness blogger and coach.

I am the Amazon #1 bestselling author of Happiness Club: Learn to Be Happy and Get What You Want.

I empower people who are fed up of feeling fed up to take action to feel Happier and Get What They Want.

If you’d like to work with me there are a few ways you can do that including 1. Join the free Happiness Club Facebook group. 2. Sign up to the *free* Design Your Dream Life Masterclass. 3. Buy the book – Happiness Club: Learn to Be Happy and Get What You Want!  4. Work with me for 121 intuitive Happiness Coaching.  5. Hire me as a freelance writer. 6. Book me to speak at your event.

This post was originally written for Happiness-Club.co.uk in 2012 and I updated it in 2024 for the book Happiness Club: Learn to Be Happy and Get What You Want.