I want to tell you that it’s okay not to be okay. I’m holding my hands up and confessing that the last few weeks, since my Grandma died, have been tough. I’ve felt low, tired and tearful. I’ve felt like a hypocrite.
On Tuesday I was interviewed on Radio Suffolk about how my Buddhism and spirituality have helped me overcome depression. Four hours before I was due on air, I was sobbing my heart out, snot dripping from my nose.
My Buddhist buddy Bianca shared some wise words on WhatsApp:
“I think it’s wonderful not being perfect, we’re doing our best and your best is quite awesome I have to say!”
This reminded me of something someone said before, possibly Bianca again, when I said, “who am I to be writing about happiness and presenting the Happiness Show when I’m suffering from depression?”
I can’t remember exactly what that person replied, but the gist of it was, “actually you’re the perfect person, because you’re living it. You’re real, you’re authentic. People want to hear from you, not someone that’s never experienced depression and not someone that’s got everything sorted.”
As I write this I’m reminded of the Marianne Williamson quote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”
I also like to remind myself that leading self-help author and founder of Hay House, the late Louise Hay, says she didn’t manage to be positive 100% of the time, she managed it about 70% of the time. I reckon on average I feel positive about 70% of the time, so I’m in good company. And even if I don’t, it doesn’t matter. No-one cares. The only person that cares is my ego. As the saying goes, “those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter.”
So, I want you to know that it’s okay not to be okay. Give yourself a break and I promise that I’ll give myself a break too.