Well I am back on form after spending weeks feeling extremely tired and depressed. At the time it was awful. I felt as though my life was over. I thought I’d never be able to get a job again, never pay off my debts, never get into a relationship. I knew that my thinking wasn’t helping and I was just spiraling deeper and deeper into depression. I felt suicidal nearly every day. The thing that kept me going was the knowledge and experience that I had been through this before and that it would pass, even though it didn’t feel like it. I also knew that such periods often precede times of love and abundance. One of my mentors reminded me that “the greatest gifts often come from the greatest struggles.” Lots of things helped to eventually come out of the depression but the two things that really helped were surrender and anti-depressants.
I have talked about surrender before and I still believe that it is the ultimate key to life. I kept trying to fight the fatigue and depression. I would spend a couple of days resting and then I would say to myself “Right, that’s enough of that. Time to get on with life. Time to pull yourself together.” At one point I received guidance through an energy reading to stop resisting and rest for at least a week. Deep down I already knew this but every time I rested I felt guilty and beat myself up. The guidance from the reading made me feel as though I had permission to rest without guilt. I spent most of the next week sat in front of the TV and comfort eating. I went swimming and went for walks in the park but only when I felt I wanted to and not because I was forcing myself. I also kept saying my law of attraction prayer mentioned in my previous article How to Get What You Want – The Health Experiment.
Illness can come when we resist our bodies need to recuperate. Illness forces us to stop and take time out. Down times help us to grow spiritually. Times of rest are essential for our bodies to re-engerise and the quicker we rest and the less we resist the easier it will be and the quicker such periods will pass.
Anti-depressants are often a taboo subject, especially in “spiritual” and “self-help” circles. Many believe that taking anti-depressants, along with such things as eating meat and drinking alcohol lower your vibration and disconnect you from God, the Universe, source energy or whatever label we put on our higher power. I believe in an ideal world maybe we wouldn’t need anti-depressants, eat meat or drink alcohol and I believe that maybe one day that is how we will live (although alcohol and marijuana are natural products, created by the Divine, so who knows?). However, I don’t believe we have reached that point yet. I asked my higher power to heal me and anti-depressants is one of the modalities s/he uses to achieve that.
One of my aims through writing this blog is to take away the stigma of depression and anti-depressants. I saw an excellent video by TED this morning on this very subject. A teenage boy talks about depression and the stigma of it and how we can overcome it. I don’t like to admit that I have depression. I am scared that people will judge me as a weirdo. I don’t like to talk to people about how I feel as I think that if I do that won’t want to be my friend anymore as they’ll be scared that my negativity will rub off on them. One well meaning friend often says to me, “we all get a bit low sometimes.” She just doesn’t get it and that can be hurtful.
Another one of my mentors is a satvic energy healer and she calls her anti-depressants her “God Pills.” She helped me to recognise that anti-depressants can help and support me as I build healthy habits in my life. I am hoping that once I have built these habits I can come off the medication and if not then that’s OK. I have an under-active thyroid and I have to take thyroxine for the rest of my life. Diabetics have to take insulin for the rest of their lives. Some people that have depression have to take anti-depressants for the rest of their lives.
While I was in my period of depression, all my good habits and practices mentioned in my previous article Dealing with Depression – Part Two went out of the window. I have been feeling better consistently since 16th June and I have began my practices again. I have also added Buddhist chanting to my list of practices. I am very chilled about these practices. I only do them if I want to do (and I usually do!) and I don’t do them all every day. As a minimum I usually pray and meditate. I aim to go for a swim and / or get out for a walk in nature as often as possible. I keep surrendering to my higher power and trust that s/he has everything under control. All of these things bring me so much peace and serenity and I have to say I love it.